So, actually...Chuseok was Sept. 29 - Oct. 1 of this year. What is 추석, you say? It's the Korean Thanksgiving celebration. Honestly, I don't want to get into the history of the whole thing. You can find more here if you're interested. No matter the history of the holiday, however, it is now on my list of top two holidays - the first being our traditional American Thanksgiving. I'm also a fan of several of the Jewish feasts, but that's a post for another day. Again, I'm not going to explain why I love holidays focused on giving thanks - mostly because I think it's obvious if you just take the time to think about it. I do, however, want to express my gratitude for some people (because people are the most important part of this world we're making our ways through). Perhaps my reasons are a little warped in the traditional sense. Even so, these are my honest reasons for thankfulness toward these people. It's not an exhaustive list...even if it's exhausting.
1st (since I posted a pretty blistering piece about her earlier) - I'm thankful for my mom. As you can probably tell, I have very conflicted emotions toward her. She's annoying and infuriating. At the same time, she has been instrumental in molding me into the person I am today. Since I like the person pretty well, she deserves a lot of credit. Somehow, even with all the emotional baggage she drags around, she was able to protect five children from the worst parts of a world that could have destroyed them. She was able to give them a moral foundation, and help develop inquisitive and optimistic spirits in each of us. She helped us learn the value and the joy of service, and modeled a color blind worldview. Although she says all sorts of crap....and I mean....a LOT of crap, her biggest gift to me has been those things that she actually modeled. She's shown me how to be the best and the worst daughter, wife, and mother. So....yeah. She's alright. I'm glad I got a crazy, annoying mom and not one of those boring, bitchy, scared ones.
2nd - I'm thankful for my other moms - foster and in-law. They are the ones that showed me what normal looked like. While it may not be as exciting as crazy, normal is what soothes the soul and comforts the weary. Normal is what gives children a sense of security and place in this world. Normal is "home base" in a game of hide-and-seek. It's a warm fireplace after a cold day. Normal is where all the crazy gets put into order and made useful instead of just shiny. I'd never lay claim to normal for myself, but I know it exists and I know where it is when I need it. These moms taught me all about it and saved my life.
3rd - Josh - (don't worry...you probably don't know him) There was a time when I would have lumped him into a category of "guys that I've been involved with where it didn't end well." It's a small category, and I thought he fit there perfectly well. I've since decided that's not even a real category. As you can probably tell...it didn't end well. So, why would I be thankful to him? Surprisingly, there are several reasons. The biggest one, and it may not seem like a good thing, is probably one of the most important gifts I've ever received. He taught me how flawed I am. Of course, I could add more details, but it wouldn't add much to the discussion. The fact of the matter is, through my relationship with him, I learned exactly how low I could go (sorry for the rhyme), and it's VERY low. I learned that all of THOSE people that do THOSE things are me. If only I could get addicted to drugs and rob a bank - I'd be batting a thousand. I guess some people don't like to see how awful they are. I'm okay with it though - now. Why? Because, now I can really love those people around me - THOSE people. Now, I don't expect perfection...now, I don't expect. Now, I know what I deserve. It's not much. Now I can constantly be grateful for living in a state of grace. I think it might being truly destroyed to truly understand the miraculous power of grace.
4th - Tyson (you might know OF him....or know him....or be him) Now would be the perfect time to get all mushy. I'm not gonna lie. I can turn a phrase, but mushy....I am not. A little sappy, maybe. Frankly, of all the things that I could be grateful for regarding Tyson - one thing is the most important and will be until my dying day. Tyson taught me what unconditional love really is....in a very tangible way. Okay, I can hear some of you thinking "awww...they love each other so much....isn't that sweet?" If you're saying that, you're either forgetting or never knew how much he and I despised each other. I'd point to my #3 and say....Tyson and Josh were not parts of my life at exclusive points in time. What I will say is that while I was that person the Josh exposed - that despicable, debauched, disloyal, cowardly person - Tyson was still able to act out his love for me. I can GUARANTEE that he did not feel it. He felt pain and betrayal and bitter anger. He could barely look at me. He was "drawn down to the grave" in his misery at times. Even so, he loved me. I'll take your Valentine's Day and raise you a Tyson. How about that?
5th - There are more - a lot. But I'm tired...so 5th through infinity will have to wait.
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